Aktivis Umno akhir-akhir ini banyak menimbulkan cerita buruk mengenai perletakan jawatan saya dari PETRONAS dalam tahun 2009. Fitnahnya adalah saya dibuang kerana membuat tuntutan perbelanjaan yang menyeleweng.

Mulanya saya tidak mahu melayan kerana ia fitnah picisan. Agaknya mereka masih mencari kelemahan saya, jadi mereka mencipta cerita bahawa saya menyeleweng hingga dibuang untuk mencemarkan kredibiliti saya. Pada kiraan mereka (yang silap), jika kredibiliti saya tercalar, makan tercalar jugalah kredibiliti pendedahan saya selama ini dan yang akan datang.

Mutakhir ini saya merasakan jika saya terus berdiam diri, ia tidak membantu kebenaran kerana fitnah terancang ini disebarkan seluas-luasnya.

Saya tidak dibuang dari PETRONAS (seperti mana yang diketahui ramai orang), saya meletakkan jawatan.

Saya dinaikkan pangkat pada umur yang muda, menyertai PETRONAS terus sebagai seorang pengurus sebaik pulang dari London (selepas bekerja selama 3+ tahun di firma perakaunan untuk menjadi seorang akauntan bertauliah dengan ICAEW). Selepas berkhidmat selama 2 tahun di loji petrokimia PDH/MMSB di Gebeng, saya ditukarkan kembali ke ibupejabat di Menara Berkembar PETRONAS.

Jadi, pada umur 27, saya dinaikkan pangkat menjadi Pengurus Kanan (saya dimaklumkan ia tidak pernah berlaku sebelum itu dan menjadi orang termuda ketika itu dilantik menjadi Pengurus Kanan) yang bertanggungjawab menguruskan keseluruhan perancangan perniagaan, operasi dan teknologi bagi Urusniaga Petrokimia PETRONAS, kerana saya mempunyai ijazah kejuruteraan dan juga seorang akauntan bertauliah.

Selepas 2 tahun di jawatan itu, saya dipindahkan lagi untuk mengetuai jabatan kewangan bagi perniagaan carigali antarabangsa, memandangkan saya mempunyai latar belakang percukaian. Pada ketika itu, ada keperluan untuk mengemaskini amalan percukaian PETRONAS di peringkat antarabangsa kerana banyak kerajaan menggunakan alasan percukaian untuk campur tangan kontrak pengeluaran petroluem yang dimeterai.

Oleh itu, menjelang umur saya 31 tahun, saya telah pun diberi peluang menguruskan pelbagai bidang dalam industri minyak dan gas. Saya pernah bertugas di loji petrokimia, di pengurusan korporat, berpengalaman di sektor huluan dan hiliran. Pada ketika itu, saya juga sedang menunggu masa untuk dinaikkan pangkat lagi.

Saya berdepan dengan dilema besar. Jika saya kekal di PETRONAS, dengan kenaikan pangkat dan gaji yang besar, saya mungkin akan kekal selama-lamanya hanya dalam satu bidang kerana terlalu selesa dengan kesenangan dan gaji. Saya tidak mahu bersara dengan pengalaman di dalam satu bidang sahaja,  kerana hidup ini lebih meriah jika kita terus menimba ilmu dan pengalaman. Pada ketika itu, saya agak keberatan untuk terus berkhidmat di PETRONAS selepas bon perkhidmatan 7 tahun berakhir.

Kebetulan, menjelang Januari 2008, rakan karib yang banyak mempengaruhi kehidupan saya – Adlan Benar Omar – menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir selepas sakit buat sekian lama. Ben (nama panggilan beliau) adalah senior saya di MCKK, beliau berminat dengan politik dan banyak membaca sejarah sejak dari sekolah. Semasa beliau di Tingkatan 5, saya di Tingkatan 1 dan beliau adalah kapten pasukan bahas yang melatih saya. Semasa kami di sekolah, kami ada berjanji akan memasuki politik dan memberi sumbangan, kerana di sekolah pun ada isu-isu yang dekat dengan hati beliau. Yang bersungguh-sungguh mahu jadi ahli politik adalah Ben, saya hanya angguk saja bila senior bercakap.

Hubungan kami yang terus rapat bermakna kami ambil serius janji itu. Ben melanjutkan pengajian ke Cambridge dan menubuhkan UKEC. Sepanjang masa, beliau mengheret saya ke dalam lingkungan aktivitinya kerana sifat saya yang lebih senang bekerja memudahkan kami menguruskan persatuan yang kami sama-sama sertai.

Apabila Dato’ Seri Anwar dipecat dan dizalimi dalam tahun 1998, kedua-dua kami merasa terpanggil untuk membantah. Saya masih di universiti, tetapi Ben yang sudah bekerja di Malaysia terjun ke kancah politik partisan dan menjadi antara tokoh muda awal yang menunjangi KEADILAN. Sekali lagi allahyarham mengheret saya sama ke dalam KEADILAN.

Allahyarham menghembuskan nafas 2 bulan sebelum tsunami politik Mac 2008. Di hari-hari terakhirnya, kami sama-sama faham bahawa apabila beliau tiada, saya tiada pilihan kecuali masuk politik. Ben mengorbankan kerjaya dan hidupnya untuk reformasi, kalau matlamat reformasi tidak tercapai maka pengorbanannya sia-sia. Pada hari-hari itu pun saya sudah sedar bahawa ada ketikanya di masa akan datang hidup saya yang selesa di dunia korporat perlu diakhiri, untuk sama-sama membantu menubuhkan sebuah sistem politik dua parti dan menumbangkan BN.

Menjelang 2009, saya pun membuat keputusan untuk meninggalkan PETRONAS. Saya langsung tidak berniat untuk masuk politik pada ketika itu, tetapi saya merasakan saya perlu keluar dari zon selesa. Saya juga mahu tahu berapa nilai saya sebagai seorang akauntan bertauliah di luar PETRONAS.

Pada 30 April 2009, saya menyerahkan surat perletakan jawatan.

 

Dalam tempoh 3 bulan akan datang, saya melangsaikan semua hutang saya dengan PETRONAS, termasuklah membayar RM31,499.89 baki bon perkhidmatan saya selama 6 bulan berbaki, agar saya mengembalikan setiap satu sen biasiwa pendidikan yang diberika PETRONAS seperti di dalam perjanjian. Saya juga membayar RM41,091.80 baki geran kereta (yang saya pakai sehingga kini), yang diberikan kepada kakitangan pengurusan.

 

 

 

 

Saya bernasib baik kerana tekaan saya bahawa gaji di luar PETRONAS lebih tinggi adalah tepat. Dengan tawaran yang lebih baik, saya menyertai Pharmaniaga Berhad dalam Ogos 2009 sebagai Pengurus Besar, bertanggungjawab menguruskan kilang farmaseutikal di Bangi dan fungsi kewangan kumpulan itu.

Hari pertama saya melaporkan diri di Pharmaniaga adalah 10 Ogos 2009. Ditakdirkan pada 8 Ogos 2009, saya pulang ke Kemaman untuk bertemu ibubapa dan kebetulan pada malam itu ada ceramah perdana Dato’ Seri Anwar, lalu saya diminta oleh penganjur untuk menjadi pengerusi majlis.

Saya tidak keberatan dan bertemu dengan Dato’ Seri Anwar yang agak terkejut saya berada di situ, kerana kali terakhir kami bertemu (semasa perbincangan persediaan debat harga minyak setahun sebelum itu), saya tegas tidak berminat untuk berkecimpung dalam politik.

Beliau bertanya di mana saya bekerja ketika itu, saya maklumkan saya sudah berhenti dari PETRONAS dan akan bermula di Pharmaniaga minggu selepas itu. Yang lain-lain selepas itu adalah sejarah yang berlaku dengan cepat.

Susulan dari pertemuan itu, Dato’ Seri Anwar menjemput untuk bertemu beliau di Parlimen sebanyak dua kali. Beliau ada meminta untuk saya kembali menyertai pimpinan parti (saya memegang jawatan pimpinan pusat Pemuda sehingga 2004) – dua kali beliau tanya, dua kali saya tolak. Akhirnya, bila beliau seolah mencabar saya bahawa “kita perlu bersama berjuang dan bukan hanya pandai mengkritik dari jauh”, saya akur untuk membantu parti.

Walaupun saya tidak pernah merancang untuk ke depan seperti sekarang, saya tenang dan tidak menyesal kerana janji bersama dengan allahyarham Ben supaya pengorbanan beliau meninggalkan usia muda tidak sia-sia. Janji itu semakin dekat menjadi kenyataan, apa yang terjadi selepas itu adalah keputusan peribadi saya. Ada orang yang memperlekehkan sentimentaliti berpegang kepada janji bersama di zaman budak-budak, tetapi janji itu menyuburkan ingatan saya terhadap allahyarham setiap hari.

Berbalik kepada PETRONAS, saya bertuah melalui zaman kerjaya yang cukup baik di PETRONAS. Ia banyak mengajar saya dan hampir keseluruhan kemahiran professional saya datangnya dari PETRONAS. Lebih penting, PETRONAS berlaku adil – disiplin kerja saya dihadiahkan dengan kenaikan pangkat yang paling pantas, seperti keputusan kenaikan pangkat yang dibuat pada umur saya 28 tahun yang disertakan bersama.

 

Perletakan jawatan saya dari PETRONAS mengejutkan ramai kakitangan PETRONAS. Ramai yang kurang faham kenapa saya perlu meninggalkan keadaan yang selesa dan lumayan, apatah lagi apabila prospek untuk saya di PETRONAS cukup baik.

Ramai yang baik hati dan cuba memujuk saya untuk membatalkan hasrat, termasuklah Datuk Mohamad Medan Abdullah, Pengurus Besar Kanan, Pengurusan Korporat Kumpulan (beliau pernah menjadi  ketua saya semasa kami di Carigali). Beliau menghantar twit pada 21 Ogos 2012 menerangkan bagaimana beliau juga pernah memujuk saya untuk tidak meletakkan jawatan. Beliau juga mengakui saya tidak pernah menyatakan hasrat untuk menyertai politik pada ketika itu.

 

 

 

Saya harap keterangan ini jelas.

Saya tidak mahu melayan fitnah ini kerana meninggalkan PETRONAS adalah keputusan peribadi. Ia berlatar belakangkan pemergian seorang rakan karib dan setiap kali saya mengingatinya, ia membuat saya merasa pilu. Ia perkara peribadi dan wajarlah dikekalkan sifat peribadinya.

Ini adalah keterangan bukan undang-undang yang pertama dan terakhir mengenai perkara ini. Jika berterusan, saya akan mengambil tindakan undang-undang.

 

The subject of my departure from PETRONAS in 2009 had been a favourite point of attack by Umno activists lately. I was allegedly sacked from PETRONAS on account of fraudulent claim.

I actually did not want to respond, because it was a cheap shot. They could not find anything to run me down with, so they had to create a story on misappropriation so that it tarnishes my credibility. Tarnishing that credibility, in their miscalculation, will dilute the credibility of my past, present and future exposes on corruption scandal.

It came to a point that I feel a continued silence ignoring the slander is not in the best interest of the truth.
I did not get sacked (as most people can testify and know), I resigned.

I was promoted early in my career, entering PETRONAS as a manager straight away when I came back from London (after my 3+ year stint in an accountancy firm to qualify for my ICAEW). After serving at the PDH plant/MMSB in Gebeng for nearly 2 years, the corporate centre decided to move me back to the HQ in the Twin Towers.

So, at the age of 27, I was promoted to a post of Senior Manager (apparently it was unprecendented and I was told I was the youngest to be appointed to such a position) to oversee the overall business, operational and technology planning for PETRONAS’ petrochemical business, given that supposedly I had both the accounting and engineering qualifications.

Two years later, I was moved to head the finance function of the international upstream at Carigali, to draw from my previous work on taxation since PETRONAS needed to put its taxation in order all around the world at the time when governments begin to use tax non-compliance as an excuse to interfere with production sharing contacts.

By the time I reached 31, I had covered the oil and gas at management level quite extensively. I had been in the plant, at the corporate centre, worked in downstream and upstream. It would not be long before I was promoted to the next level. At that junction, I was faced with a dilemma. If I stayed on, most probably I would end up in the oil and gas forever because with the money and senior position, it would be too comfortable a life to switch. I didn’t want to be a one field professional, life has always been an adventure of learning for me, so the idea to continue beyond my 7-year bond in PETRONAS weighed heavily.

By fate, in January 2008, Adlan Benan Omar – a dear friend, a mentor and most importantly the single most important influence in my life (apart from my parents) up to that point, passed away after prolonged illnesses. When we were in school in MCKK in the early 90s, we made this foolish promise that we would make a difference to the country when we grew up. He was serious, I just played along because he was a super senior and my debating captain. I was the ever obliging junior.

Being silly, we held dear to that promise. He went to Cambridge, set up the United Kingdom Executive Council for Malaysian students (UKEC) and dragged me with him. I had always been a workaholic, so my presence was handy because I could turn his idea into workable events and programs.

When Dato’ Seri Anwar was sacked and humiliated in 1998, both of us went through a political awakening of sorts. Ben (as everyone called him) plunged into partisan politics to become the early pioneers of KEADILAN, and again he dragged me with him.

He passed away 2 months before the political tsunami of March 2008. On his death bed in early January 2008, it dawned on me that if he were to pass away, someone had to carry on so that he didn’t die in vain. Finishing the task of getting rid of BN and establishing a 2-party system (as how we always dreamt as youth) became personal to us – when he died, I knew my comfortable life in the corporate world would come to an end somehow.

So, by 2009, I somehow had made a career decision to move on. I never had any plan to enter politics even at that time, I just wanted to go out of my comfort zone. And tested how much, as a chartered accountant, my worth was outside.

On 30 April 2009, I tendered my resignation.

In the next 3 months, I settled all my obligations with PETRONAS including paying RM31,499.89 for the 6-month remainder of my scholarship bond, so that I had fully repaid every single sen of what was invested on me by PETRONAS. I also paid cash a sum of RM41,091.80 for the balance of my car grant, given to management level and above.

 

 

 

 

Fortunately, my curiosity to find out how much I was worth outside PETRONAS paid off. I had a much better offer outside PETRONAS and in August 2009 joined Pharmaniaga as a general manager, with a combined role of overseeing its pharmaceutical manufacturing facility in Bangi and the finance functions of the group.

I was supposed to start at Pharmaniaga on 10 August 2009. Fate had it that on 8 August 2009, I went back to Kemaman to see my parents and co-incidentally Dato’ Seri Anwar was in Kemaman for his grand ceramah. So I was asked to become the MC for the night.

Ever obliging, so I went. Dato’ Seri Anwar was quite shocked to see me there, because the last time we met about a year before that (during a discussion in preparation for the debate on fuel price), I was not at all interested in politics and kept repeating that I would stay in PETRONAS.

He enquired what I was doing, I briefly told him that I was no longer in PETRONAS and about to start at Pharmaniaga. The rest, as they said, was history.

From that encounter, Dato’ Seri Anwar requested for a quick meeting and we met twice at Parliament. He asked me to come back to the party (I was in the youth leadership line up until 2004), twice he asked and twice I said no. Until at one point, he said to me that “you need to stand up and be counted, stop being an armchair critic” – he bruised my ego.

While I never plan to do what I am doing now, somehow I have peace because I have a promise to keep. And that promise Ben and I made when we were young is close to being fulfilled. What happens after I keep that promise is a different thing. Some people said I was so foolish to hold on to a childhood promise, but that promise keeps his memory alive.

Going back to the part on PETRONAS, I had a wonderful career in PETRONAS. It has given me so much that most of what I am now professionally, I acquired from my time in PETRONAS. And PETRONAS returned my diligence with the quickest promotion – a result of an evaluation of my career is attached just to prove how fruitful the partnership with PETRONAS was.

My resignation from PETRONAS was abrupt. A lot of people did not understand why I should leave a career when I seemed to be destined for better things in PETRONAS.

A lot of them tried to persuade me, including Datuk Mohamad Medan Abdullah, Senior General Manager of the Group Corporate Affairs (who was my boss at Carigali at one point).

He tweeted on 21 August 2012 to reflect how he tried to persuade me from resigning, and how there was no indication that I was planning to plunge into politics.

 

I hope this clears the air once and for all.

I refuse to be dragged into it before because it was a personal choice. It related to a death of a dear friend and it brought sadness to revisit that life changing decision. It was a private matter and I prefer to keep it there.

This is my first and last non-legal response on this matter. If this persists, I will resort to a legal action.

This week has been a tracing of the passing years that went missing.

I was quite shocked (and alarmed) when I saw ‘A’s photo in one of the batch’s meating (for durian no less). Shocked because it came unannounced, alarmed because I thought a certain earth shattering event could have happened in the batch that had escaped my radar (and that was just unacceptable, to a control freak).

Weeks passed on and busy with all the other things that take too much of my time (unnecessarily and unproductively, I may say!), it slipped my mind again. This is akin to Saruman’s stirring troubles in the wood or the Nazgul’s venturing out beyond Mordor that had escaped the attention of every Elf there was (OK, a bit of exaggeration but I am really struggling with any write up lately).

Anyway, one fine day (because I was at home watching TV with the other half on a quiet and airy Sunday, that’s a treasure in my dictionary) I got an SMS from Fadli of A’s impending operation to remove a tumour embedded deeply below his brain.

I have to admit I went instantaneously into a panic mode. Previously, I did not handle well the death of the two people who meant a lot to me; so while A has been a distant memory of the lost years, he was extremely fundamental to everything I held dear when I was a teenager. Instantaneously too, I felt I had abandoned him in times when he needed support, if only I persisted a bit more it could have been different.

So I asked for A’s cell no from Fadli and sent him a long SMS. I waited for an hour and no reply, so I slid further into the panic mode. A could have decided not to see anyone, in the same way arwah Ben cut himself off the world in his final weeks, contemplating of the life that he had had (or so I told myself).

I readied myself for the worst disappointment and called A.

It was exactly the same voice, exactly the same manner of speaking, exactly the same feeble attempt to make jokes that had endeared him to me almost 20 years ago. He never changed a bit and he had always managed to take the lighter side of life – in fact when we were trying to set the lunch appointment to catch up after almost 17 years, I told him he should decide the time and place since I am unemployed so I have a plenty of time to go anywhere. As a matter of reflex, he said “take it from me, it can get boring after some years” ha ha.

We met the next day.

He must have been amused looking at how fat I am and how he had kept exactly the same size, with the same hairstyle (plus the uban kah3) while I am barely keeping whatever I have left up there.

And then he explained, going from A to Z. There were times when I interjected and derailed the conversation from the meticulous chronological explanation that he had set to complete. Each time, he would tell me that he had to go through all so that I could get the full understanding (his subtle way of telling me off to keep focus on the discussion).

And so I listened.

What amazed me was not really that we could be sitting as if nothing had happened for the last 20 years and talked as if we were still the 17 year old we were (of course, we sound a lot more complicated and miserable nowadays), it was the confirmation that I had liked and loved the chap since day 1 he came to MCKK and nothing had changed a bit despite the 20-year gap in between us.

It amazed me that he is exactly the same methodical person that sweated it out when our rekacipta projek did not work at all because the circuit must have been wired wrongly (we were doing some kind of electronic railing and to be frank, Pejal failed big time as the mechanical engineer because it was his mechanical bit that did not work). So methodical that he still is, when we were discussing about what lies ahead for him after the operation, he still sees things from a checklist viewpoint.

I could have soured his view of the world a bit with my cynicism of the society, to which he retorted of the difficulty to engage in a conversation when he is so full of energy and positive outlook about life and I am full of negativity and cynicism.

The truth is, he has always been full of energy and looked positively at any encumbrances in life. It is the innocence of a can-do attitude that would have made A the darling of anyone who became close to him.

And I am glad he never changed a bit and he persevered when everything in this world (including me) looked the other way around. He believed that he was right and though it may took a bit longer to come to a closure, he did prove that he was right.

I feel finally I made peace after all with every important character in Dorm 21 of the 1993 – 1994 period who had coloured my life profoundly.

In 1997 I wrote to Mior and we had truthful exchanges. I visited Mior in Sydney last year and he remained one of the most important characters of my teenage life whom I can still count on until today (not to mention that we share so many common grounds in our views about life and society).

I made peace with Auzir a long time ago and remain on good terms until today. I could have written a lot more but his wife reads this blog (ha ha) so I shall not risk incriminating him with the misdeed of the yesteryears.

And now I found closure with A.

I pray for the best of health and for the best things in this life and hereafter for him. I don’t think we can make up for the loss of the 20 years (what more with my own fate always hanging in an unfair balance), but I am at peace knowing that the one person whom I had expected to reach the pinnacle of success when we were in MCKK, is finally on the way to make the best of the time given to him.

As we left (I get a parking fine for parking illegally, again), he jokingly said “I wanted to say please stay out of trouble, but then….” and he walked away in a grin.

That is A whom I know from those years and I am so glad that he is back.

Post-script: This is dedicated to a close friend who had suffered from an illness for a very long time and hopefully is on the road to recovery. I get tired of writing political press releases all the time, so I thought I should get back to write lighter stuff, once in a while 🙂

It is not in my character to comment on private matters publicly. Contrary to the popular belief, I am a very private person and I treasure privacy more than anything else. Suffice to say, it has not been easy to cope with the demand of my party work that requires me to be in public space.

But I have been getting a lot of messages lately asking me to be extra careful. I truly appreciate it though at times I may appear to be amused by the whole thing. I could have appeared to be careless with the way I go about things especially my daily routines, so I am not at all surprised that people are concerned with my seemingly lack of attention to security details.

Given this backdrop, I feel like it is only polite to pen my thoughts if only to persuade my good friends that all are OK. People say we speak our mind, but we always write our heart. So this is what my heart feels.

My elders used to tell me that there is a fine line between bravery and foolishness, chivalry and a folly. Growing up, bravery did not rank top in my list of virtues precisely because a brave person can sometimes be the most foolish. Hence my amusement when at times, people ask what makes a person brave enough to ignore the threats and personal risks involved to stay in my line of job. It was certainly not bravery for I do not know bravery.

But I know right and wrong (or at least I believe so); and I know duty. Most importantly, I know the conviction that this life is a temporal being and a transient journey. Each of our deed in this life is nothing but a piece of life mosaic thereafter.

So the only choice that we have is to try to live a righteous life as we deem fit, leaving the endless possibilities of what can go wrong to Allah’s Ultimate Judgement and Mercy. Each of His gifts to us is a test – a bountiful of wealth is indeed a greater test than a pauper’s hunger.

And this is my test: I can’t ignore my conscience if I feel I may be able to make a little difference to the people around me. Let others judge us as a fool to follow our conscience because it is not in the realm of men to pass the ultimate judgement.

In times like this, I am always reminded of Tolkien’s great words, spoken by Gandalf that while we may have the greatest concerns of what may lie ahead, all we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us.

And so my friends; please be at ease knowing that I will be extra vigilant. What can or may happen is beyond us. I only ask for prayers while I enjoy every bit of this adventure 🙂